7 Days

In seven days, our accounts will become inactive. I think Steve and I might log in one last time to say goodbye to guildies, and then we will deinstall our games. Honestly, I really can't wait. I'm not at all interested or tempted to play anymore and I would like to remove this inert program from my computer.

A few confessions, starting with a definition:

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pride
/praɪd/ Show Spelled [prahyd] Show IPA noun, verb, prid·ed, prid·ing.
–noun
1.
a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
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I think Steve and I thought that at least one person from our guild would push to have some sort of going-away party for us before our accounts closed. I thought that all of those people, who we invited to our guild one by one, would feel a sense of loss at our leaving and show us in some way, ANY way, that they will miss us and hope we do well in the future. But, I guess not.

Only our new guild leader and his second in command have shown a wistfulness at our leaving and have told us we'll be missed. I got a couple of Facebook messages from one guy, but to be honest, he's only posing and really just wants me to see his success. He's one of those guys who tries to make everyone believe he's "everyone's best buddy," but if you look closely, you recognize that he's really just looking for attention.

Basically, we built up our importance far beyond where it really registered in people we knew. It's kind of sad, but I'm happy to report that neither of us cares. We also understand that a lot of their disinterest lies in the fact that they are all addicts to varying degrees and accepting why we left shines a mirror in their faces. And who wants to face the fact that you are an addict to a computer game?

Back to pride. I am really enjoying this blog because it's an online journal I can write in whenever I like and I can add pictures and movies and links to what I'm talking about. It's so much fun! I have about two dozen journals on my bookshelf from when I was 12-35, but from about 25 and on, my journal entries dwindled to the point that when I met Steve, I eventually stopped writing. This online journal is wonderful because once again I get to do something that has been a very important part of my life.

The point: I want to share my online journal with others! I don't think I'm great or anything, but I think I have some fun things to share and I would also like people to comment on stuff I'm writing about so I can see what they have to say and have a conversation about their point of view.

I was entertaining the thought of duplicating and renaming this journal, pulling out all of the WoW entries and then posting the link in our guild forums so that they could read my journal and maybe comment and keep in touch.

I realized that it would be wrong to do this. I would be insulting them--if any of our guildies ever knew that I look down on them for playing so much WoW, they'd be rightfully insulted. Also, it demeans this blog and the heart of it: this is supposed to be a story about my recovery. Naturally, if I'm getting over WoW, I'm going to stop writing about WoW as time goes on, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a recovering WoW addict. Yes, Steve and I are having an easy time of stopping, but that doesn't mean we don't think about WoW EVERY SINGLE DAY for at least a thought or two. I need to write in the journal and whenever I've got something to say about my recovery, I need to write it down, not pretend I am not recovering anymore. Finally, the fact of the matter is that I don't really care about these people...I just want them to read and comment on my journal. /shame