Book: The Freedom Writers Diary

A while back I mentioned watching the film, "The Freedom Writers" and later on I mentioned that I got the book to read. It's been very good. I only read in 20-40 minute chunks usually, and I'm interrupted frequently as I'm entertaining our darling parrot, Pumpkin, but I'm almost half way through it now.

This book is full of journal entries from students at an inner city school in southern California and some of the things they have to say are so horrifying. My life has been a royal parade next to most of these kids and I cannot imagine growing up in a place where people I know get shot on a fairly regular basis. Imagine being terrified to make the trip between your home and school? Wow. At the same time though, the journal entries are often very touching and wonderful. It's a tough book to put down.

The heroine of this story is their teacher, Erin Gruwell, and part of the education she gives includes lots of books for the kids to read. Right off the bat, I knew one of the books, "The Diary of Anne Frank," but there are others too, and now that I've been reading The Freedom Writers Diary, I would like to go back and reread "The Diary of Anne Frank" and add a few of the books they read to the list: "The Wave," by Todd Strasser, "Night," by Elie Wiesel, and Zlata's Diary," by Zlata Filipovic.

As I'm reading, I find myself referencing on the internet at the same time. One of the kids was outraged when a buried memory of being molested surfaced after she read an article by a journalist who visited camps in Bosnia and wrote about the horrors he saw there. I looked it up and found the story, "Bosnia's Ground Zero," by Peter Maass. It's just horrible...I don't mean his writing. I mean...I just couldn't read it all because what he saw...what he learned and heard stories aboout...it's so horrible. I couldn't read the whole thing.

Isn't it just awful that the world is full of so many terrible things that you have to be careful what you read, what link you click on, what movie you watch, because some things you should not subject yourself to? I don't think we should have our heads in the sand. On the other hand, I also think that you can be aware of things that are terrible and once you have an understanding, steer clear of them. It's been my experienc that getting too close to such things is damaging and serves no purpose but to hurt those who look.

Even though The Freedom Writers Diary shows a lot of pain and hurting, it's wonderful to watch the transformation from caged animals to birds set free. In The Diary of Anne Frank, we read about a girl who tells the world what it is like to be a Jew hiding from death, and her words will never be forgotten. When I read that book as a teenager, I was horrified, but I was the same age as her too...I really got some perspective on the word, "prejudice."

Jane Russell died today :(

I really only remember one movie with her in it, but it's one of my favorite classics, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes with the ultimate blond bombshell herself, Marilyn Monroe. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check this flick out. It's great! I thought Jane was a good actress and she was very famous for her pinups which were drooled over by countless soldiers during WWII. She's the type of woman who was painted into perfect yumminess by Albert Vargas and that's the image I get when I think of her. :( Time to put Gentlemen Prefer Blondes on my Netflix queue.

Going Away Party...Should I?

It's Monday and our WoW accounts close out on Saturday. I am toying with the idea of posting on the guild forums that Steve and I will be logging on for about an hour on Friday to say goodbye. Once our accounts shut down, we will de-install the game and we aren't going back.

Question: should I bother? I am questioning my motives and I need to decide either way by the end of today...the sooner the better.

Reasons to have a going-away party: I would like to give people the chance to say goodbye to us, and so we can say goodbye too. I would like to log into my characters and just sit for a moment, thinking about the good times I had on each one. I'd like to hang out and talk on vent, chat in guild and to folks who come over to talk. I would like to say thank you to people that I spent so much time with, to let them know they meant something to me and that I'll remember them. I'd like to know what fun memories people have about me and my characters.

Reasons against: Do I really care? Really? No...I don't. These people don't really care about me. I'm just a placeholder for the class they need for the raid/party. Or, I filled a moment with something to read or listen to while waiting for the next thing to do. And do I really care about them? No...I have to say that I don't. I mean, that's not entirely true for everyone, but for the most part I feel the same way they do. I don't care. Logging into my characters? Oh come on...why? Who cares? I don't need to make a big deal about something that honestly doesn't matter. I really doubt I'll have any pangs of sorrow for not saying goodbye to my characters...and give me a break...these are just pixels that I give a personality to. I can pull up my characters at any time just by thinking about them if I feel like it.

I talked to Steve yesterday and he was fine with the idea if I really wanted to, but the fact that I'm dragging my feet on the post has me thinking that I shouldn't bother. If you have an opinion, put it in the comments for this post!

Zoe and the Tiny Tail Toy

This is our very silly, spastic Boxer showing just how goofy she is! We're really happy with video quality our camera takes! Who needs a video camera when you have 720p output from a $200 digital camera?! :D WHEE!!! (Also seen is Moosie, our amazingly dumb but hopelessly sweet Basset Hound)

Green Moth

We sure do have lots of wildlife up here! Among other things, if we leave the porch light on, there will often be moths and other insects hanging out on the walls and front door. The other night I found this beautiful green moth!

I am hoping this moth comes back for another visit because I'd like a better picture!

We went on another bike ride!

We've been having a tough time getting ourselves out on rides because of the weather...it's raining...or snowing...or just plain miserable out there on many days, and yesterday it was nice but so cold that we decided not to go. Today though, it was beautiful out and a little warmer, so off we went! My hands were half frozen for the first 15 minutes but happily, once my circulation warmed up my hands were very comfortable. I had such a nice time! We saw a pair of horses frolicking about and at one point we saw a huge buzzard take off and fly low over the trees before turning around and cruising back to the same area. I wonder if it had something to eat there. Steve was really cold so we didn't hang out and watch the goats today, but I loved looking at them for the moment we were there. On the way back I took a picture of Mt. Mclaughlin but it didn't turn out well enough to show off, so I'll try again another day!

Dawn

Yesterday morning I woke up at the crack of dawn and saw this when I looked out the back window.

Isn't that cool that the moon was still in the sky? I wish I liked getting up early because it's such a special time of the day, especially around here. I have seen a real bobcat in our meadow at the crack of dawn, and a coyote and a fox and also hares. We see other animals that are common during the daytime too, like turkeys and deer.

The Bluebird of Happiness!

Did you know that there is more than one kind of bluebird? They are the Eastern, Western and Mountain Bluebird. I had only seen them in pictures until Steve and I moved here to rural southern Oregon. We see both Western and Mountain Bluebirds in the early spring and it's really exciting when we spot one!

The other day I looked out and to my delight, a few of them were flitting about in the grass, looking for tasty bugs. I grabbed the camera and took some pictures, even though they were very far away. I hoped I would get something to show!

The less colorful one in the back is a female, this is a pair of Western Bluebirds

I think it's interesting that these "bluebirds" have red breasts!

"I'm lookin' fer bugs and wormies!"

"I found one!"

"I enjoyed the bug...see? My beaky is empty!"

Movie: Little Children

What an interesting movie, about a bunch of adults who need to grow up and are being faced with that reality. Much of this film made me feel pretty uncomfortable because almost everyone was making poor choices, but I needed to know what would happen next. Kate Winslet got an Oscar nomination and it's well-founded. She was awesome! One of the best things about this movie was the narration which took place here and there throughout. Oddly enough, the narrator (Will Lyman) was uncredited, and yet, this aspect tied the whole movie together. The end of the movie had a very good line that stuck with me, "You cannot change the past but the future is a different story. You have to start somewhere."

One Other Thing

I think the past couple of posts make it appear that I think WoW players are defective or bad in some way. I don't think that. I think there are a lot of people who can play WoW in reasonable doses and not let it take over their lives, but I'm not one of them. I also believe that you can't get the best out of WoW WITHOUT being an addict. But that's my opinion...I'm sure there are lots of hard-core addicts out there who don't care about raiding. Anyway, I also don't think poorly of WoW addicts. After all...who am I, anyway? I feel sad that they're missing out on a lot of things and it's too bad that they are neglecting a lot of things far more important, but right now, they are doing what they think is best for them. I'm not here to say it's wrong now that I'm on the other side of the fence. At the time, Steve and I felt that playing WoW was the right thing to do for all the years we played. Maybe it would have been a good thing to have someone come along and tell us in a reasonable way that we should do something better with our time but that didn't happen. I think people need to do what they think is right, and it's not my place to judge them. Also, the job of letting a person know they are an addict is one best suited to a good friend. I don't think I have any right to approach a single person in our guild with any message like that. It's too personal, too much reality, and I don't have the right to tell anyone how to live their life.

Another Confession

I have been keeping tabs on our guild's ascent up the realm ranks as our two raiding groups begin progressing through the content. I go to WoW Progress and check on the guild's status and have been excited to see them move up the ranks in the past couple of weeks from no position (they hadn't downed any bosses yet) all the way down to #23 on the realm for 10 man content. They are 5/12 now and are doing a great job flying through the ranks and I'm having a great time watching from the sidelines.

Is that wrong? I can honestly say that I don't have any interest to play WoW. However, I am proud of Dead Man's Party. I think our guild has a lot of really strong players and Steve and I have always felt good about bringing them together and being part of this successful guild. Before, we were part of the success. I have no more interest in raiding or playing anymore, but I do enjoy seeing our guild's success and I want them to do well.

Our guild has a strong belief that we have what it takes to be one of the top five Horde guilds on the realm, and with Wrath of the Lich King, we rose to #9 after getting a very late start, forming a new guild, recruiting, etc. The consensus was that if we had a faster start with Cataclysm, that we'd rise to the top 5 fairly fast.

That is where my interest is coming from. I want to see how they do. I don't want to be part of it, I just want to watch! :D

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but maybe I'm wrong? Leave a comment with your thoughts if you have an opinion because I'd like to know if I'm full of crap or if it's ok to have a sideline interest in our guild's progress up the ranks.

Sharing My Blog

Yes it's true: I want people to read my blog and it would be fun to spark up some conversations with readers via commenting, but the wrong way to do it is by trying to turn my "WoW Detox" blog into a blog for WoW addicts (who are still playing) to read and comment on. Instead, I put another invitation post on WoW Detox and hopefully some folks who DON'T play WoW anymore or are trying to stop playing will come and enjoy my posts and maybe join in with some comments.

Also, I invited my dad to read my blog, and some other people too (Hi Laura!!). It has been a lot of fun reading what my dad has to say about my entries.

One of the most important aspects of WoW to me was the social side. I spent much of my game time chatting with people from the second I logged in until the moment that I logged off, and I'm having an increasingly difficult time dealing with total solitude in this text environment.

It's not that I want people to say, "OMG U R SO UBER LEET!!!" with every post that I write. I am lonely for conversation with others. I really miss chatting with people and all the funny, ridiculous things we'd talk about. It gave me the chance to say and emote how I felt about whatever I wanted.

When a friend would log on, I would often send them a message like this, "*Badjoojoo flies through the air and lands on top of ___________ for a big, huge hug and smooch on the cheek*" or in guild I would be silly and type something like, "*Lakotah bounces around the guild hall, happily chucking paper balls at guildies*" Or whatever. I enjoyed being the cheerleader and the person who injected goofiness to a conversation. I liked being a person that people could relax around and just have fun with.

Anyway, it's nice to understand my motivation for wanting to share my blog. I really miss the social aspect of WoW. However, this can be remedied! Hey, if you're a reader from WoW Detox, please feel free to leave comments and if you have your own blog, I'd love to follow along, so let me know what the URL is! If you don't have a blog, think about starting your own...it really is very therapeutic to talk about what motivated you to play WoW for so long. Don't forget that you're NOT a bad person for becoming an addict, and you ARE courageous for finding a way to stop or for working towards that goal. I understand, believe me.

7 Days

In seven days, our accounts will become inactive. I think Steve and I might log in one last time to say goodbye to guildies, and then we will deinstall our games. Honestly, I really can't wait. I'm not at all interested or tempted to play anymore and I would like to remove this inert program from my computer.

A few confessions, starting with a definition:

-----------------------------------------------
pride
/praɪd/ Show Spelled [prahyd] Show IPA noun, verb, prid·ed, prid·ing.
–noun
1.
a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
-----------------------------------------------

I think Steve and I thought that at least one person from our guild would push to have some sort of going-away party for us before our accounts closed. I thought that all of those people, who we invited to our guild one by one, would feel a sense of loss at our leaving and show us in some way, ANY way, that they will miss us and hope we do well in the future. But, I guess not.

Only our new guild leader and his second in command have shown a wistfulness at our leaving and have told us we'll be missed. I got a couple of Facebook messages from one guy, but to be honest, he's only posing and really just wants me to see his success. He's one of those guys who tries to make everyone believe he's "everyone's best buddy," but if you look closely, you recognize that he's really just looking for attention.

Basically, we built up our importance far beyond where it really registered in people we knew. It's kind of sad, but I'm happy to report that neither of us cares. We also understand that a lot of their disinterest lies in the fact that they are all addicts to varying degrees and accepting why we left shines a mirror in their faces. And who wants to face the fact that you are an addict to a computer game?

Back to pride. I am really enjoying this blog because it's an online journal I can write in whenever I like and I can add pictures and movies and links to what I'm talking about. It's so much fun! I have about two dozen journals on my bookshelf from when I was 12-35, but from about 25 and on, my journal entries dwindled to the point that when I met Steve, I eventually stopped writing. This online journal is wonderful because once again I get to do something that has been a very important part of my life.

The point: I want to share my online journal with others! I don't think I'm great or anything, but I think I have some fun things to share and I would also like people to comment on stuff I'm writing about so I can see what they have to say and have a conversation about their point of view.

I was entertaining the thought of duplicating and renaming this journal, pulling out all of the WoW entries and then posting the link in our guild forums so that they could read my journal and maybe comment and keep in touch.

I realized that it would be wrong to do this. I would be insulting them--if any of our guildies ever knew that I look down on them for playing so much WoW, they'd be rightfully insulted. Also, it demeans this blog and the heart of it: this is supposed to be a story about my recovery. Naturally, if I'm getting over WoW, I'm going to stop writing about WoW as time goes on, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a recovering WoW addict. Yes, Steve and I are having an easy time of stopping, but that doesn't mean we don't think about WoW EVERY SINGLE DAY for at least a thought or two. I need to write in the journal and whenever I've got something to say about my recovery, I need to write it down, not pretend I am not recovering anymore. Finally, the fact of the matter is that I don't really care about these people...I just want them to read and comment on my journal. /shame

Our Coffee

Let's just get this straight. Steve and I are coffee snobs and we know it. We love this Pulp Fiction quote from Quentin Tarantino because it about sums it up:

Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it.

The only thing we have to add here is that our coffee is better. Sorry Jimmie, you've got it all wrong. See, he has a drip machine for his coffee. Why he thinks that makes good coffee we haven't the vaguest idea. Professional espresso machines all the way baby, and anything less doesn't cut it. Behold, if you will, the PERFECT cup of coffee:

This is a latte espresso, made with very fresh, low-acid Sumatra Mandheling coffee beans, ground with a special coffee grinder so the espresso has perfect, rich crema and topped with rich, dense foamed milk. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Movie: Letters from Iwo Jima

This movie was a surprise. Directed by Clint Eastwood and entirely subtitled and from the Japanese perspective of the doomed battle for Iwo Jima. We liked it but I guess it wasn't what we expected. Definitely not an uplifting film! It can't be faulted though, it was excellent.

Movie: How Green Was My Valley

*groan*

Another old film that doesn't weather the passage of time. We watched about 45 minutes before we stopped. Too preachy, too proper, too much inane singing, too much baloney. I understand why some movies were made this way, but in this day and age, I just can't deal with it. It's just too unbelievable and ridiculous.

Photography is So Much Fun!

I walked down to the gate a few days ago with our new camera and took some pictures here and there. I hoped I could capture some of the beauty around our property, and some of the moodiness of this rainy, wintery day.

I love leaves and as I walked on our gravel road, I saw this one which I thought had very interesting spots. It would be neat to see this leaf under a microscope and look at the bacteria colonies hard at work!

I like this close-up view of the oak leaf and the positive/negative space of the image.

What a strange pine tree branch! It seems like a mutant, don't you think?

I originally wanted to take a picture of our seasonal pond but found myself more interested in the reflections of the trees and plants and the silhouettes against the moody sky.

Here is another reflection-silhouette image with a power pole and wires adding to the moody quality. Which do you like better?

Rain was beginning to fall and added interest to this image of a plant reflection

Another image of a plant reflection with rain rippling the pond water.

I love seeing silhouettes of bare trees against a winter sky. I think they look so lonely but so beautiful.

When I took this picture of the main road going past our property, I wasn't sure it would be interesting. Steve loved it though, so here it is! Click on the image to see the full-sized image

I'm a silly wabbit!

Ok, in an earlier post, I listed a bunch of my favorite black and white films. My father, who is my movie mentor and a font of cinematic info, pointed out that one of the movies I mentioned was in technicolor. That would be The African Queen. Thanks for spotting that, Dad! *blush* That's what I get for blurting out a bunch of titles without thinking about them carefully first! :D (Note the cover below, "Color by Technicolor"...hee hee...)

Our Goofy Chicken

Our parrot, Pumpkin, is silly in so many ways, she makes us laugh every day with her antics. One of the things we do to keep her entertained in the kitchen is to put her one one of the drawers so that she can investigate. Pumpkin is absolutely fascinated by cracks, of all things, so if she can peer at a crack of any sort, or the disappearing contents of a drawer, she's a very happy camper. One thing to keep in mind is that we let her do her crack investigations for about 15-30 minutes every day before she is bored--it's always a fresh and exciting new activity for her and this undying curiosity is extremely cute and endearing to us.

Here's Pumpkin on the drawer, looking very pleased with herself. She's also got the body language that says, "This is MY DRAWER...don't try to take me off of here because I have a lot of investigations to do!

Something about peering into the open door of the dishwasher is very interesting to Pumpkin and she is happy to crane her neck and turn her head every which way in order to study the looming darkness behind the crack.

"Gronkkkkk! Cluck-cluck-cluck...chuckle...GRONK!" (Translation: "I see a crack! There's something in there! It's hilarious! Uh oh, I think it might be a monster!"}

It Really Did Snow!!

I promised a snowy image, and here you are! This was taken from our upstairs guest bathroom looking down towards the main road. Click on the image to see the larger version.

I think somebody loves me! :D By the way, Steve told me something he learned...to make a perfect heart, use both hands at the same time to make both sides of the shape!

It Snowed Today!

Weather forecasters predicted 3" of snow overnight and 3" today, but alas, when I peeked out at about 6am, there was just a dusting on the cars. Today it DID snow though, in big, lovely, swirling flakes, but only for about twenty minutes, and an hour later it was all melted away. I will post pictures later!

Anatomy of a Murder...*sigh*...

Well, we finished the movie. Very good acting by all but well, I guess we are used to movies that have a stronger point at the end. We expected some flashy finish or twist but it just sort of ... ended. We're kind of annoyed. "Is that it?! No way. Really?" *grumble*

A Few Pictures

Took a few pictures today!

This is looking out our back door at dusk. That formation in the distance is the Upper Table Rock. Isn't it cool?! (Click on the image to see a larger view)

My two cutie pies! I told Steve he should try taking a self portrait with Pumpkin on his shoulder and I think it was a great idea!

We haven't taken any "portrait" pictures of ourselves for a while so when we got ready to go out to dinner tonight, I had Steve take a picture of us!

A World Full of Possibilities

You know, not more than a few weeks ago, I spent most of my time thinking about WoW. Now I get up and I am excited about so many things! I want to do my instruction on Photoshop...work on new designs...go on a bike ride...walk the dogs around the property...organize and appreciate my font library...look at other peoples designs...write in my blogs...read The Freedom Writer Diaries...learn more about our camera...take pictures...explore all of the possibilities the world has to offer now that I don't play WoW.

It's so much fun to see this change in Steve as well. Like me, he used to have no motivation or drive, and every day was depressing. He too, spent all of his attention on WoW or other computer games because the fact of the matter was, neither of us was happy. Now he's turned into a total web design junkie and it's wonderful to watch this transformation! He's learning to use Dreamweaver and how to do more and more complex things, and whenever he discovers something new and cool, he stops to show me! Steve has turned into a motivated, driven person with a lust to learn and master his new passion. This is the guy I met on March 13th, 2000, and it is so wonderful to have him back again.

I Hate My Husband.

Ok, not really. But OMG...I went to do some work at our shop and when I came back and got on my computer, the following image was set at my desktop background.

Let's just say that I wasn't impressed! I could hardly bear to look at my monitor with this guy winking at me so provocatively. EEEEWWWWWW!!!!! Oh, and thanks a lot, Steve. Really. I love you. A lot.

A Perfect Day for a Bike Ride!

This is me on my bike! Oops. That's not a bike, it's a TRIKE! I know it's silly but people always look at me funny when I say I have a recumbant tricycle so I just call it a bike. I get the feeling that people assume there must be something the matter with me for riding such a thing...whatEVAR! It's a lot of fun to ride! By the way, if you are interested, Steve has a blog devoted to his trike and it's definitely worth a read!

Waking up to such a beautiful day had me insisting on a bike ride, and Steve agreed! We really want to get back into shape and if we're going on a hike up the Lower Table Rocks in a couple of weeks, we need to start working on our fitness level now. I've been clearing brush and walking the dogs around the property, but these aren't cardio workouts. We need to make exercise a routine, so today is a step in the right direction.

Steve brought the camera along and we decided to ride down to the goat farm, a favorite destination and turn-around point for a 9.5 mile trip. As you will see, we took lots of pictures!! I hope you enjoy my little photo essay!

On the way down to see the goats, I saw these Texas Longhorns and had to stop for a picture! Honestly, I didn't think the picture would come out well because they were so far away. HOLY COW...(did you see what I did there?!)...our camera has 12x zoom and I was astonished to find that I was able to crop in and get a really nice picture after all! WOOT!

Here we are at the goat farm! These guys have the life! They have a wonderful barn that's set up just for them, and it's obvious they are very well taken care of. (They also have a couple of llamas)

Take a look at that naughty baby trying to climb onto mommy's back! The little scoundrel kept trying and trying but for now, mom is too tall. That won't last! Last year we saw the babies hopping on the adults a bunch of times and it is really hilarious to see!

These are such beautiful goats! The mama has such pretty grey hair, and the spotted baby is so adorably cute!! You should have heard the babies bleating! One of them sneezed a couple of times and I about died laughing!

Baby goaty goats!!! OMG they are so cute!! There were babies last year too, but this time we are getting to see them when they're even younger! Steve kept telling me to make less noise because I couldn't stop cooing at them! Have you ever seen baby goats or lambs bouncing around? It's so cute!

On the way home, there is an Andalusian breeding farm called Firefly Ranch, and this is their gorgeous stallion, Conquest TCV. What a handsome boy!

This sweet mare came over to say hello and hoped we would come and pet her or give her a treat. However, we don't feel comfortable approaching other people's animals without permission, so we admired her and took her picture instead!

Steve is so cute! He wanted to take a picture of me near a couple of my brushpiles! Wish me luck: I'm hoping to clear all of the brush from the property next to our roadside fence in the next few months!

Movie: Anatomy of a Murder

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love movies! I also don't think a person has any business forming critical opinions about films if they don't like classic black and whites. There's something very special about them that you don't get from a color movie. Some of my favorite movies are black and whites: Mister Roberts, Stalag 17, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The African Queen, All About Eve...need I go on? I consider myself to be a fair judge when it comes to reviewing a movie, and part of the reason is because I love and totally appreciate classic black and white films.

James Stewart. Yeah, you just gotta love that guy. What an actor. He got an Academy Award nomination for his performance in this film, and though we've only watched an hour of it so far, I can see why people were impressed. (By the way, I checked and found out that Charlton Heston took the award for his performance in Ben Hur. And if he wasn't enough competition, how about Jack Lemmon in Some Like it Hot? The other nominations I can't speak of as I haven't seen the pictures, but um, that's enough. Oh, one other thing: The Academy Awards SUCK. It's all politics and though awards are handed out fairly on occasion, it's often totally stupid. Can you say Avatar? Don't get me started.)

So anyway, we are really enjoying Anatomy of a Murder. I found myself riveted immediately and am totally looking forward to watching the rest of it tomorrow night!

The Pursuit of Happyness = Slit Wrists Please

It was a very good film but so HARD to endure. Will and Jaden Smith were really great though and both of them received many award nominations for their performances in this true story of Chris Gardner and his son. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone who wants something light-hearted though...Steve and I are still full of angst. Both of us have always been terrified of being homeless and out of money, and this movie is all about this struggle, but it's also about hope and perserverance.

I would like to watch a lighter movie tomorrow night please! :D

Movie: The Pursuit of Happyness

Started watching that last night but had to stop about a third of the way through because it was too late to keep watching. It stars Will Smith and his son in a very depressing story about Will's character being broke and having his wife leave him and take their son...poor Will can't get a break it seems. It was really hard to stop watching, but we'll pick it up again tonight.

Steve found it hard to watch because it's a reflection on his childhood, moving from home to home as his dad found or lost jobs and they had to move to be closer to a new job or to find something more affordable. He said his family moved about 15 times through his childhood and up through high school. Ouch. :(

On Top of the World! :)

The day before yesterday, I finished my video/hands-on course for InDesign, and yesterday I started working on a comp for the website we're making for our veterinarian. Steve has two comps already and he was hoping I could come up with another for a third option. I figured it would be a perfect opportunity to work with InDesign and see if I can actually design something.

Well, it took me a while and I had to figure out how to do what I wanted with InDesign, but at about midnight tonight, I finished my design! Steve loved it and is still going on about how nice it turned out! :) I am pleased too--all three designs are totally different so our vet and his wife should find something they like.

I'm so happy. It's been a solid five years since I touched any design or layout tools and even though I have about twenty years of experience, I still felt very anxious about my abilities. There is nothing like seeing a finished design in front of you to make all your fears disappear! Designer, version 2.0, here I come!

Fuzzy Wuzzy...

...is a bug. Fuzzy Wuzzy wants a hug! :D This little guy measures just a quarter of an inch in size and was found on the wall in our bathroom! I wanted to see if I could take its picture without fooling around with settings, but alas, I was not able. I gave Steve the challenge, "Let's see if you can take a clear picture of this tiny little bug with our new camera!" and of course he couldn't say no, and here is the proof that our $200 camera can take a seriously macro image without much fooling around! By the way, the bumps you see around Fuzzy are the texturing on our wall. Yes, that's small!

I would like a pint-sized hug please!

Super Chicken!

Over nine years ago, I found a picture of Pumpkin with her clutchmates online. We went to see her and fell in love immediately. We are so lucky to have this amazing little bird in our lives. Pumpkin may be small, but she's got a macaw-sized personality! She fills our days with fun, laughter, and love and we are so happy to share our lives with this amazing bird.

Pumpkin saying hi from the towel rack in the bathroom. She has a special perch in the shower where she can eat bread while she enjoys the humid air and splashy water sounds!

Pumpkin enjoys early morning latte foam with Dad. Check out that messy beakie! She adores eating foam, and makes the cutest whistling sounds as she eats! Priceless!

Movie: Puccini for Beginners

This was an interesting, quirky film about a lesbian who breaks up with her girlfriend, meets a guy and starts going out with him and soon after, meets another woman who she also begins seeing. It's a film about learning what's most important and going after it. I really enjoyed the acting and the humorous way they dealt with many of the scenes. Elizabeth Reaser, who played the lead, is a fine actress and we loved her award-winning performance in Sweet Land as well. There's something very down-to-earth about her that I really like.

Who IS this Cool Guy Next To Me?

How can it be that Steve and I spent so many hours sitting next to each other playing World of Warcraft together, and yet, we grew slowly apart? I know we were both aware of the tensions that WoW put on our relationship, but as the days turn into weeks away from the game, it is glaringly obvious how much damage that game had on our relationship.

We now spend much of our time relearning and adding to our design and computer skills and are planning to build our own company for web and print design. Every day is full of new discoveries, education and lots of fun. We are remembering our passion to learn, create, and explore and this is so wonderful.

All day long, Steve and I are exclaiming over new, cool things we've learned and often stop the other so we can share what we discovered. This is something new and fantastic, because for the past few years, both of us have become increasingly bored about learning something the other has figured out about World of Warcraft. Who cares? I know I didn't.

One of the reasons Steve and I are such a good fit is because we both enjoy learning computer programs and we also like to figure out some of the nuts and bolts, especially when it comes to figuring out how to do something and why it isn't working. It's been really great to have this common goal and learn together as we go. And because both of us are very interested in each other's specialty (print design for me, web design for him), it's been fascinating to share in the new cool things we're both learning how to do!

This is my super cool husband, Steve, sitting in front of his TWO monitors as he's learning to use Dreamweaver! Note: if you take a look at Steve's monitor, you'll notice his Blizzard Authenticator in its little pocket. *snicker*

Removed the last WoW Bookmarks

I am finally to the point that I don't have any more curiousity about our guild and how people are doing. So, I removed the last bookmarks from my Macintosh laptop. Still have to do that on my PC but I'll do that later. Life playing WoW seems like a distant memory now, was it only a week ago that I was in there saying my last goodbyes? Seems like a year. I love my life now and I'm looking forward to everything coming up!

Boo! The Snow is GONE!

During the night, the snow turned into rain and by the time I got up, the only snow to see was way up in the hills across the small valley we're in. Who knows, maybe it will snow again and I'll get some pictures!

This is a beautiful image of our snowy trees three years ago at Christmas!

IT'S SNOWING!!! *SQUEEEE*!!!!

Before we cuddled up in bed to watch How to Train Your Dragon, we took the garbage can down to the gate and were surprised to see that there was some snow sprinkling down! It has snowed very little this season...I think only a couple of times, and it wasn't very much. We brushed the snow off our sweaters when we came into the house and wondered if it would keep falling.

After the movie, Steve let the dogs out before putting Moosie and Zoe in their sleeping crate (Molly sleeps with us) and I stayed upstairs to brush my teeth. I heard a knock on the door and Steve comes in and says, "Here, CATCH!" And tosses an ENORMOUS snowball at me! Which I dropped. Which exploded on the floor into several chunks. LOL! Oh brother! :D I went bouncing downstairs and out onto the porch where I watched Steve show me how Zoe likes to have snowballs thrown right into her face, the dork! He'd get some snow while she was dancing around, and then he'd say, "Want this Zoe?! Want this?!" BOOM! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! And she'd bark and jump all over the place in happiness! OMG. What a dork! That's our Zoe!

Before they came in, I stood there and watched the snow falling down in big and small flakes, lost in the beauty of it. I was born in San Francisco and lived there for most of my 46 years, so when we came up here to Medford, Oregon, experiencing snow where I lived was something new and special. After five years, it's still a very special event to enjoy and appreciate. We're glad we don't get a lot of snow, but it's enough to be pretty and to have snowball fights with, and we've even made a snowman or two! I wonder what we will find tomorrow morning when we get up? I hope that the property is sparkling with a beautiful blanket of snow!

This is a snowman Steve made three years ago! Maybe we can make a new one tomorrow!

Movie: How to Train Your Dragon

WHAT A FUN MOVIE!!!! *bounces all around* I am a kid at heart--it's true--so I really enjoy animated and cgi movies from time to time. I remember seeing a trailer for this and couldn't wait for it to come out. How happy I am that "Dragon" not only didn't disappoint, it was much better than I thought it would be! I can't fault it. Not a thing about this movie that I'd change. I loved the vastly different dragons and all of their wonderful personalities. I thought the viking characters were all super. The music and sound effects were fabulous. The dialog, perfect. The cgi and animation? OMG. There were countless effects that seemed completely real. Character development is very important to me and I felt like I got to know everyone's personalities and quirks. Of course the main dragon, "Toothless," was just amazing. I loved this movie. Just loved it.

Clearing Brush and the Joy of Poison Oak

The day Pumpkin was with me, I was working on clearing brush from our gravel road to a huge pine tree that towers over everything nearby. There were some manzanita and madrone trees to free from the brush crowding around them, and of course, I also spotted the telltale poison oak "feeder" vine/roots that were leafless but still covered with oils to avoid. I do my best to carefully yank out what I can without getting oil on my skin, but I'm not always successful. As I progressed, I saw that one of the manzanitas was growing out of the same spot as a large scrub brush, and it took time to remove the brush and leave the tree. All the trees needed to be pruned and cleaned up too, and it take a fair amount of time to get rid of the dead twigs and branches. I managed to scratch myself a number of times on the sharp places where I broke or cut branches off, but I figured it would be no big deal, since there wasn't poison oak there.

Yeah, right. Not sure how oil got into some of my scratches, but it did. Although I washed all of my scratches very carefully, some of them began to tingle and itch after a few hours, and the next day I could see that I had poison oak here and there on a few scratches and oh joy, my cheek too! YAY!! *grumble* Totally annoying.

Thankfully, about two years ago I found a way to deal with itching that really works! I don't know about you, but Calomine lotion or other anti-itch creams never really work for me. But you know what DOES work? Water. Seriously! The trick is to heat the water so it's almost too hot to touch. Run the water over the itchy place--first it will itch really intensely as histomines rush to the area, and then they'll flush away and the itch will be gone for hours! It REALLY WORKS! However, be careful if you want to use this technique for relieving certain itches: if you are suffering from hives, hot water will exacerbate the condition. I know because I tried it once and I was MISERABLE until the hives subsided with time and freezing cold water on contact. Hot water treatment also works great on wasp and hornet stings...lol...I wish I didn't know that! Country living is so much fun sometimes!!

This is the group of manzanita trees I cleaned up and pruned. Believe it or not, they were barely visible when I began "freeing them" from the scrub brush that surrounded them and in one case, shared root space. The trees were also covered with pine needles!

This is the huge pine tree that was surrounded by scrub brush. And the basset hound nosing around is Moosie, one of our three dogs. Steve came down to collect me and Pumpkin at the end of the day and brought our dogs down with him.

Pumpkin the Supervisor

A few days ago I went down to clear brush for the afternoon and this time, I decided to find out if my darling parrot, Pumpkin, would enjoy hanging out with me. So I popped her in our tiny "chicken carrier", filled her cups with food, and off we went! I hung her in a tree near the action and hoped she wouldn't start squawking or making plaintive, worried cheeps--either would signal I'd need to bring her back to the house. To my relief, she thought this was a great idea and looked everywhere with fascination, and didn't make a peep! I kept a very close eye on her as I carried or dragged branches and entire bushes past her to the brushpile, and after a while, she relaxed enough to notice her food. After that, every time I looked over, she had a fist full of fruits or vegetables while she watched the world around her.

Movies, Movies, Movies!

We sure have been watching a lot of movies now that we aren't playing WoW anymore! WOOT! I am going to try to list the movies that I watch, but I probably won't go into much detail on any of them because I have other things to do!

Tonight we watched about 30 minutes of The Boys from Brazil, and OMG, that is a movie that needs BADLY to be remade. The production value and acting are so horrible that we simply had to stop watching it. The music was totally distracting, wrong, and overblown. The acting was terrible and staged. The cinematography was very poor. Only the plot is interesting but not enough to keep us watching. Being a huge fan of classics, I am first to be reasonable about the difference in film styles from the past, but this is one of those movies that is pretty unbearable in this day and age.

Last night we watched Boys Don't Cry, starring Hilary Swank as a girl passing herself off as a boy who meets and falls in love with a girl in a small town where nobody knows the troubled 20 year old. It was a hard story to watch, but brilliantly portrayed by all the actors (Swank got a well-earned Academy Award for her performance, but everyone was extremely good too and Chloë Sevigny got a Golden Globe award for Supporting Actress). I was compelled to do some investigation on the web about Teena Brandon afterwards and was surprised to see how similar the two main actors look compared to the real people. I would definitely recommend this movie, but it's not a happy tale so be prepared.

A couple of nights ago we watched another Hilary Swank film (which prompted me to get Boys Don't Cry), called Freedom Writers, which was the true-life story about an English teacher who taught under-educated, inner city kids at a high school that no matter how hard their lives were, education could set them free. It was AWESOME. We recognized Swank from another movie we couldn't place and during a snack break, I looked her up and realized where we'd seen her: Million Dollar Baby, another exceptional film with Hilary Swank giving an outstanding performance and getting another Oscar.

I am now a total Hilary Swank fan, and can't wait to see her in another movie! She's AMAZING!!

This Blog is Slowly Changing!

I can see that this blog is going to slowly change into my online journal. I used to write in journals from about age 12 to about 36 or so, though my entries dropped off slowly from about 30 and on, and after I met Steve when I was 36, I finally petered out and stopped writing altogether. It's a shame, since I like to use journal writing as a way to get my feelings out and just blab about whatever I feel like.

I feel like my life is finally coming back to me now that I don't play WoW anymore. It's really amazing how much better everything is now. One of the things that I'm enjoying is writing in this blog, and I have another one that I'm writing about my journey back to the world of graphic design. I don't write every day in either one, but it's nice to have a place to put my feelings down in type. I could always write in a regular journal, but I think it's time to move over to digital. I feel like I'm finally getting in touch with myself again, and that's very cool.

Learning InDesign is Awesome!

For the past couple of weeks I've been learning InDesign with Lynda.com's awesome online instruction and it's been really great. I decided to learn this program instead of brushing up my Quark Xpress skills because as I expected, the design industry now favors Adobe's layout program and Quark is now the old dinosaur. Plus, I enjoy learning new programs and I was very interested to see how the two programs differed. All I can say is, holy cow! InDesign is a much more powerful, feature-rich layout tool and I can't wait to start actually using it to do some projects! Goodbye Quark, hello InDesign!

We Got a New Camera!

After our amazing sushi lunch, Steve and I went over to Best Buy because we've been needing a new compact digital camera for a few months now after we discovered our last one died. We did some research beforehand and decided on the highly rated Canon SX130is for its affordable price and rich features. I was kind of hoping for something a little bit smaller like the Elph we had, but once I started taking pictures, I was sold! It's so nice to have another camera, and this one is fantastic! Here's an image of our beautiful boxer, Zoe! Isn't she gorgeous?!

What you don't know is that she's the most hyper, goofy dog we've ever met. Behold!

Happy Valentine's Day!

We are so excited! The guild is now in new hands and today we are going out to celebrate Valentine's Day with each other. We'll have errands to do, but we're also going out for SUSHI!!! YAYYYY!!!!

Totally Satisfied

You know, Steve and I have done so much talking about leaving this game, and we both agree that the timing was absolutely perfect. Granted, we HAD to leave because we MUST work on our new careers and that means we do NOT have time to play WoW anymore. That aside, we are both very comfortable with our decision to leave, based on these facts:

1) We got the chance to see Cataclysm. No, we didn't do much more than raid Baradin Hold 10/25 and we only spent a couple of nights on Throne of the Four Winds 10m, but we got a taste of strong progress. We geared up two sets of alts to raiding level, we did our rep grinds for several factions, we got some epic pieces, we upped some of our crafting to max, and we both got to thoroughly try out the new profession, Archeology. We got to do all of the dungeons on Heroic. We got to be part of our guild getting to level 14, which is something to feel proud of--our guild is full of active, happy players. And the first two 10m groups are ready to head out next week. We also got to see the revamped Azeroth, and Steve tried out a goblin and enjoyed all of the cool quests in the starting zone. I am really fine with not getting around to that! :)

2) We "beat" WoW in Wrath of the Lich King. We did nearly everything in regards to 10m raiding; we both feel satisfied that we "beat" the game. Two sets of our toons are totally decked out Kingslayers (from WoTK) and our premier raiding toons got the achievement, "Glory of the Icecrown Raider," and proudly rode their Bloodbathed Frostbrood Vanquishers everywhere. We were successful getting everything we wanted out of the expansion, and even though our 25m raids weren't good enough to clear ICC, the guild had a good time while that lasted.

3) We turned our premier pair of toons into heroes. Zuulbash was Steve's amazing Orc Death Night Blood Tank. What an AMAZING tank (and no slouch in the dps dept. either!) One of the finest tanks on the server, he could do it all. We can't count all the times people said he's the best DK tank on the server, and among the best raid leaders too. Badjoojoo was my Troll Resto Shaman, and during his reign through WoLK, he rose to become one of the very best healers out there. Once he got the gear, there was no topping him in either 10 or 25 man content. No matter what it was, he topped the charts. It was always fun to go into a pugged 25m VOA because Badjoojoo ALWAYS outhealed everyone. And I was always gracious and humble, even if I got attitude from other healers. So many times I would hear the likes of, "Joojoo's here, we'll be fine now!" Zuulbash and Badjoojoo were a team because Steve and I loved to play together, so whenever we were out to do something, everyone wanted to be there--we were the top of the line tank and healer team that would never fail! (within reason, of course...sadly, Zuul and Joojoo had human players behind them!! LOL)

4) We've gotten enough out of this game to be done with it. We've been playing since Beta, and we only had one short break of about three months when we were momentarily distracted by The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. We leveled many of our toons to 80, some to 85. We capped our toons from expansion to expansion. We learned about raiding and from Karazhan and on, we enjoyed and learned our classes and how to work together as teams, and eventually, the ability to master some of the most challenging content in WoW when WoLK came out. We got to be in a hard-core raiding guild and found out how much of a love/hate thing they can be. We built our own guild and filled it with great people. Steve got to lead a guild, something he'd been wanting to do since his days leading the largest guild in Northern California Renaissance Faire many years ago. He got the chance to lead 10 and 25 man raids and actually lead two teams of 10 man's through Lich King! We really did get to do every single thing we wanted badly to do.

How many people can say that much about their WoW experience? Yes, it may be pretty sad when you think about all the time we invested, but on the other hand, it's what we wanted to do at the time, and with that time, we became really good at our classes and achieved greatness for our toons. We feel satisfied, and are so excited about our future without WoW! :)

The Deed is Done

Steve and I logged on just a little while ago and transferred the leadership over to Sorat, with Kalbaras as 2nd in command. I demoted our army of toons and alts to "On Hiatus," even though we will almost certainly never come back. It felt so weird and well, like it was no big deal except to the people that we most cared about. I got a /tell from one of our guildies, who was sad to see us go, but other than that...out of the 15 people online, no other comments. WOW! Gosh, and I thought they wouldn't be able to live without us! LOL...Steve and Janet who? In a way that makes me feel sad, but really I don't mind. I'm so glad that we no longer have any responsibilities to people in the game and that we can now leave with a clear conscience.

Isn't it interesting how you build up your importance when building a case to not leave WoW? "What will they do without us?!" "How will they put raids together?" "Who will keep people happy?" "How can I survive without them?"

We Joined a Hiking Club!

When we decided to move to southern Oregon, a few of the biggest draws were the beauty of the area, abundance of rural, quiet countryside, and close proximity to outdoor activities. That being said, we were quasi WoW addicts when we arrived and with no friends out of game, we slowly became glued to our chairs while we lost touch with the amazing place outside our windows.

Our biggest concern about leaving WoW was leaving all of our friends and the enormous community that we'd come to know over our years of playing. Just thinking about this reduced me to tears and it took both of us some time to accept that there ARE ways to meet cool people outside of this game. It's not as if we weren't aware, it's just that WoW makes you feel like it's not possible.

The night we knew we were done with the game, we talked about how we will make new friends. I talked about joining local clubs with people who shared interests with us. We USED to love outdoor activities! Hiking, cycling, rollerblading, and so much more! Talking about that gave us encouragement!

For instance, some time ago, Steve met a fellow who's part of a cycling club, and this guy has sent Steve invites to club rides every month. He would like to become better friends with Steve, but WoW made that an impossibility. We weren't riding. We wouldn't make the time for it. WoW was way more important, right? But now we will be able to start riding again, and after we feel like we're in good enough shape, we can join the bike club and actually go on club rides! What a wonderful thing to look forward to!

I have always been an avid hiker, so a couple of days ago I looked around to see if there was a hiking club in the area. DISCO! (I love using this quote from Pulp Fiction!) Get this: the next hike is on the same day that our accounts close, can you believe it? On top of that, they will be doing a hike we've been wanting to do since we moved here. Serendipity? You betcha! I joined the club and signed up for the hike...we're so excited!

The Changing of the Guard

It's finally happening. We wrote our goodbyes today on our guild forums and we'll be turning over the leadership tomorrow. Here are our letters:

This one is from Steve, representing both of us:
Boss Man No More

Janet and I have decided to stop playing Wow indefinitely.

There are a ton of reasons, some to do with the game and others are real life issues. With the economy the way it is, we've seen the profitability of our business drop to about half. This means a lot more work for a lot less income.

All in all, we really just need to take the countless hours we pour into this game and spend them on things that are more productive. Janet and I figure we spend a minimum of 30 hours a week in game each, often a lot more. Experience has shown that reducing our time in game won't work as we just don't seem to have the disipline to keep it reasonable.

Addicts? Oh yeah.

I've spoken with several key people in the guild about the continuation of the guild and getting raiding back on track. They, and I, believe the best course is to promote Sorat to Guild Leader. He's had a lot of experience in leading guilds, raids and gathering people for groups. My perception is that he's very well liked and respected. Kalbaras and Sorat have been friends for a long time and have seen guilds through leadership transitions before. Kalbaras will be a key member in the new leadership and between these two I'm certain the guild will do great.

I hope you will all welcome this change and become part of the foundation of the new and continuing Dead Man's Party.

You won't likely see much of Janet and I in game. Our accounts expire March 5th and our new work will be taking most of our time. Certainly after March 5th we'll be completely gone. However we will stop by these forums occasionally and can address any posts or PM's regarding our leaving the game.

In short though, for the last 6 months we've been looking into other/additional work and we've finally found some. We're returning to design work as a side job, specifically web and print design. Both of us have many years experience in the field. We've got a couple projects already and hope they go well.

So we'll miss you all an awful lot but we've got to have this "game time" back to make a real go of the new endevour. In time things may change and you may see us back as casual players. But for now it's good bye to all of you, our good friends.

------------------------
This one is from me:
Goodbye Everyone! We will miss you sooooo much!

Steve and I have had so much fun with all of you and we are proud to be able to say this has been the best guild we've ever been in, filled with the very best people we know. We've shared so many adventures together and the memories we have will never be forgotten.

Thanks for the good times. It will be hard not to chat with you all every day, but you will be in our thoughts. We may swoop in and visit you in vent from time to time, so even though we'll be de-installing our games, we will be able to talk to you once in a while!

If you'd like to keep in touch with us via email, drop us a PM and we'll give you our email addresses.

*big hugs to each and every one of you*

Janet & Steve

I'm a Brush Clearing Fiend! :)

I spent the afternoon doing one of my favorite activities, clearing brush on our property! We are lucky enough to live on 26.5 acres in the countryside, and our property is covered with meadows, oak, madrone, manzanita, and lots of nasty, icky scrub brush. (Also a fair amount of poison oak, ack!) A couple of years ago I got some heavy duty pruning shears and began cutting down some of the bushes and making piles as I went. I discovered that many of the branches would break if I used weight or leverage so I use a combination of these two methods to remove the bushes. There are now dozens and dozens of enormous (about 8-10' x 8-10' x 6-7' tall) piles scattered around our lower forest and meadows, and the difference I've made is really amazing. It is very gratifying to walk around and see what I've done, and it looks so much better. Clearing brush is really good exercise too, and I sure do need that! It's hard to stop at the end of the day because I just want to clear ONE MORE SPOT! :D One thing that I find interesting is that over the course of a year, a pile that was once 8-7' tall will sink by FEET! Also, those piles, which we would like to eventually burn or send through a chipper, are probably home to all sorts of animals for now; probably a very nice refuge from the larger predators that cannot penetrate the dense pile.

Movies > WoW

My husband is away so tonight as I cuddled with my adorable parrot and she cleaned her feathers and fell asleep nestled up next to my thigh, I watched an animated movie called "Ponyo." It was wonderful. Made by my very favorite Anime director, Hayao Miyazaki, it is the story of a little fish who falls in love with a boy and wants to become a human so she can spend her life with him. This movie is directed at a very young audience, but anyone who loves Miyazaki's work will enjoy it so much. My favorite Miyazaki film--my favorie animated movie--is My Neighbor Totoro, and I really don't think it will ever be topped, it's just that perfect. If you are interested in reading more about Ponyo, I've provided a link to the Wiki page for it and for the magical movie, My Neighbor Totoro...enjoy!

It's wonderful to have so many more hours available in my life to do other things now. I can watch movies again. I can look at things on the internet. I can play with my dogs and my darling parrot. I can do things to reinvent myself, like learn a new computer program to help me return to the world of graphic design. I spent hours and hours doing that today, and it was so much fun!

Life without WoW rocks. It really does.

Exercise Feels So Good

Yesterday I spent 20 minutes on the orbital trainer, today I went for 40 minutes! It feels so good to move my body again. I used to be in such good shape before I played WoW and though we didn't completely turn into fat slobs, we were heading that way. We have bikes we love to ride here in this gorgeous place we call our home, and there are trails to hike, and places to rollerblade. We can walk the dogs on and off our property. There are so many ways to keep fit, and I look forward to changing the fat I've gained back to muscle and a toned form. Without WoW to throw a wrench in the works, I'm going to get back to who I used to be: active, fit, and full of energy!

Oh, and I also took the dogs on a walk down to our gate to get the mail, and then for a short walk around the property. I took our parrot too, in our special birdy backpack, and she had a great time!

The Revelation

The night Steve and I decided to quit, he said something that made everything clear. "Playing WoW is like going to a bar and hanging out with a bunch of alcoholics."

Isn't that the absolute truth?! Everyone supports you and encourages you to go on. We surrounded ourselves with junkies. We let "casual" players into our guild because we wanted a friendly environment for everyone...but...the people we hung out with were the hard-core addicts like ourselves.

We used to know this woman from another guild that we left because they weren't serious enough about raiding. We thought she was pathetic because she had so many capped characters and was trying to do achievements on all of them. Not long ago I saw her running around on one of her toons and I was horrified to realize that even though I wasn't trying to get "achies" on all of my toons, I had already raised three of my five 80s up to 85, one of them was raid ready and the other one was almost as well geared. I had to cringe because I know that if I'd looked into it, I would have found that my obsessive playing had eclipsed hers, just in different ways.

Holy Cow! I have Comments and a Follower! Yay!

Today I checked my blog and to my astonishment, I had comments and a follower! Thank you for coming to visit! I would love to give each of you a supportive hug, because we are doing something very important. I know it will be hard sometimes but at this time, I have no desire to play. This may change from time to time, and that's one of the reasons I have this blog. I encourage each of you to create your own blog/journal to write down your thoughts, fears and worries, your successes and your dreams for the future. For many years I used to keep journals and it's such a nice way to get thoughts out of your head and onto a piece of paper. Now it's so easy just to type thoughts onto a blog! You can keep them private or share them with the world, and I think you'll agree that it's very therapeutic.

Thanks for joining me here! I hope you'll leave comments from time to time to let me know how you're doing, and if you should decide to write your own blog and make it public, I'd love to follow along!

Glenn Harrold for Motivation

Hypnotherapy...really? Steve downloaded a free audio program, "Relax and Sleep Well," for the iPad a few weeks ago with the hopes that maybe it would help my chronic insomnia. I was a bit sceptical but also hopeful; since I had nothing to lose, why not try it, right? Well, the first night I used it, I actually got a lot more sleep than I'd been getting, and I felt better rested. But I also felt better about myself and more optimistic and motivated. I have been listening ever since and have only missed a couple of days.

Since that program seemed to actually be working, Steve gave it a try even though he needs no help sleeping. I wanted hm to listen to the positive affirmations and thought they would help him too. He was impressed, and we bought one that's longer and leaves you in a sleep state instead of bringing you out of the trance. I also got one that's just for getting to sleep, but since it has no affirmations, I don't use it as much as the other programs. I also bought one for motivation, another for exercising and fitness, and we'll also pick up a weight loss one as well.

Point? They work. Let me tell you something: perhaps it's coincedence, but it was after listening to these audio programs that Steve and I were finally able to make the break from WoW. We are hopeful, motivated, optimistic, and looking towards the future in a positive frame of mind.

The changes that are happening to us are like adding one small layer each day. They are becoming more obvious as the days turn into weeks, and it's just amazing to me. We had become so defeated and hopeless over the past couple of years that depression was really taking a toll on us. I feel so much better and excited for the future. I still have fears and worries but they are much more manageable. I feel like I have better control over myself and my life.

Another Day Without WoW, WOOT!

I don't miss it. I do think about people I know and have checked our guild website to see who's on vent and to see if there's anything going on, but I have no interest in logging on.

I worked out on the orbital trainer today and watched part of "From Here to Eternity," which is a neat movie and garnered all kinds of awards. My favorite part is watching Montgomery Clift...omg he's such a gorgeous man...so sad that he died at 45! Burt Lancaster is also a hunk but he comes off as so arrogant that I don't care.

I also spent a lot of time working on my InDesign training and had fun with that.

It was another beautiful day; took a walk down to the gate to get the mail and saw my husband off for his business trip. I used to spend all my time playing WoW when Steve was away...I don't even care about it now! YAY!

I also spent 20 minutes breaking down a couple of scrub brush bushes by our front gate and throwing the branches on the brush pile nearby. Steve thinks I'm crazy for enjoying this activity but I just love clearing brush when the weather is nice and I'm not being magnetically sucked into WoW. When Steve gets back, I'll definitely be making some hours available to work on this ongoing project. It makes me feel wonderful knowing that we will have so many hours available to us now for so many things!!

My WoW Detox Post

I went to visit the WoW Detox site and was tickled to see that my post made it onto the first page! Here it is:

#52199

My husband and I played since Beta, were playing EQPC while we waited for WoW...we started playing and never looked back. Started off casual and played like that for years--didn't really get the whole end game raiding thing. Burning Crusade came out and we got into a guild that did raiding...entered 25m raiding with SSC and 10m raiding with Karazhan for the first time and we were hooked overnight. From then, our involvement ramped up until our normal play time every day was at LEAST 4-5 hours. We eventually made our own guild where my husband was the GM and raid leader for TWO 10 mans AND a 25m. Meanwhile, our real world disappeared, we became sedentary, didn't walk the dogs, exercise at all, and ate horribly. Although we haven't gotten very overweight, we are in the worst shape of our lives and if our playing were to continue, we WOULD be huge in another year of this lifestyle. A few days ago we told our guild we're quitting the game, and everyone is just blown away that we won't be playing anymore. Thankfully they are supportive, and we are handing over the reins to others, and have distributed all of our goods to the guild and friends. Life is already getting better--we're riding our bikes, taking walks, going out and enjoying this beautiful world that we live in. Two nights ago we walked down to our seasonal pond and listened to the frogs singing, and looked up at the stars. There is so much more to life than a bunch of pixels moving around on the screen. Remember that if it hurts to lose the characters you've made and spent so much time on, stop for a moment and realize that every one of them exists within you and when you stop playing, they will always be with you, as facets in your personality. Don't feel sad that they are "dying" or "going to sleep forever"...these characters are only as far away as a thought or image in your head. We surrounded ourselves with junkies like ourself so we didn't have to see the truth, and we agree that most people we know in game are people we'd never want to know out of game...but we HAVE met a couple of people that we will continue to be friends with in real life. 2 out of hundreds is pretty sad though...it makes you stop and think, doesn't it? Today is a new day. It's a day without WoW. And it feels really, really good.

Not The Instance TOO!! OMG NO!!

Ugh. I just opened iTunes and unsubscribed from my favorite weekly podcast, "The Instance," which is all about the latest in World of Warcraft, hosted by the amazingly fantastic Scott Johnson and Randy Jordan. *bangs head on desk* NOOOOOOoooooOOO!!! I love this podcast so much!! WHY?!! Why do I have to dump this great show?! *cry* I've been listening since the very first episode...there are about 215 shows now and I was on 212...*serious purple-faced tantrum*...it's not fair to take away my wonderful Instance tooooo!!! *whimper*

Alright, enough of the theatrics. The fact is, I just can't listen to this show. It will make me want to play the game more than anything else. Scott and Randy and all the guests are so much fun to listen to and talk about all the latest and greatest stuff going on, rumors, email and voice messages from listeners. They get me thinking about aspects I haven't considered and well, there's just no way that would be good. Honestly, I haven't had any yearnings at this point, but I know that The Instance would be the thing to get me pining for game play. Sorry, don't need that. So...GONE. *shrieking and crying gone wild* Oh brother, give me a break! *throws herself on the ground, howling in misery, "SCOTT!! RANDY!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!"* SIGH. Sorry, ain't gonna happen. This show would be like lighting a fuse.

Hey, on the bright side, I didn't play WoW today! I did visit our guild website to look at the widget that shows you who is in vent, but I didn't do anything other than that. One thing we aren't going to ban ourselves from is the occasional visit to our vent server so we can chat with people from time to time. I don't see the harm in it, but if a conversation should end up making us want to play, we'll quickly pull the plug on it. I'm quite happy to never play WoW again and I don't need anything messing that up for me.

Thoughts About WoW, Both Good and Bad

Yesterday we worked and did some errands, but ended up on WoW for the whole evening. What did we do? Well, the excuse was that Steve was waiting to talk to officers about handing over the guild, and then he decided to finish up his archeology for good. Since he was doing it, I did it too.

We flew around doing archeology for hours and hours. (We did this separately, btw) What an unbelievable waste of time. You fly around from one zone to another to get to randomly generated dig sites, and when you get there, you click a button to see if you're close enough to dig up the artifact. After you collect enough of these things, you click a button and make a useless item that you sell to the vendor. If you're very lucky, you'll get a "rare" project, and what you'll eventually get after hours of flying around and picking up more artifacts is yet another useless item that does something dumb. There are a few really nice items that entice people to keep flying around and wasting countless hours trying to get the projects to pop up, but for the hours we spent last night, we got exactly nothing. Steve was trying to get a special sword and I was trying to get a special ring. All we got was useless junk.

When you get right down to it, every single item in WoW is useless junk, no matter what it is.

In defense of WoW, it has provided us with countless hours of fun times, excitement, and the feeling of accomplishment. We've met lots of great people, done so many things, and had a great adventure. It distracted us from the hard times we've had, and seemed to make life better for us when we were feeling down.

However, closing the book on this game, I look back and think about what I will take with me. Lots of great memories, many bad ones, a couple of friends that will survive the move away from this artificial world. Not much. As time passes, I'll forget why I played so much in the first place. I would like to save some of my memories here as a few posts or more, because for whatever minimal positive impact this game had on my real life, it would be good to make note of it before it's forgotten.

It's easy to become horrified, ashamed and angry at myself when I think of the days, weeks, months and years that this game has taken from me, and for all that I've missed out because of this. But it was my choice. It wasn't all a waste because I did have a lot of fun. I got to do things I can't actually do in real life. I got to be a hero in a way I'll never be in real life. I made some good friends amid all of the superficial ones and it was fun to spend time chatting with them all.

Posted on WoW Detox Today

Steve and I found this site the other night, WoW Detox and found it to be pretty horrifying, but true. Found a post by someone just like us and that was sort of scary but good too, because we are crossing over from one side to another.

It's a beautiful day! This is where we live!

Steve and I live in Southern Oregon, outside of Medford, which has all of the necessities we can't live without from our earlier life in San Francisco...Costco, Best Buy, Safeway, and a nice movie theater, as well as a real theater with lots of wonderful performances to see if we have the time and money to go.

However, the most important reason we moved here was the beautiful area, rural environment, low population compared to San Francisco, and slower overall pace. Our home looks out on the Table Rocks, a landmark here which seems amazing to have within sight. Our home sits on 26.5 acres of oak, madrone and manzanita forest and meadows, and is home to a countless variety of wildlife. We have very few neighbors close by, and minutes go by between cars driving by. It's ideal for cycling, hiking or running, and with exception of the extremely hot and cold periods during the year, the weather is perfect and gorgeous.

We moved here before we were serious WoW addicts...why, we hadn't discovered raiding yet! Before that, we were a lot more active, and enjoyed outdoor activities. After we became raiders, our interest in doing anything but playing WoW quickly disappeared. We certainly felt guilty about it, but we also didn't do anything to remedy the situation.

It is so amazing to wake up, look outside, and see where we live! How excited I am to go out there and enjoy this lovely place! Yesterday we went for a bike ride and I am sore! Today or tomorrow, we'll go for a walk with the dogs! I can't wait to enjoy this place to the fullest!

What a Different Day Already

Today was our last raid. It was a hard day for me but also a good day...

It was beautiful and sunny outside, so after our last raid, we went on a bike ride! It was the first in nearly a year and Steve and I are in terrible shape, the worst of our lives. But we had a wonderful ride and were so happy we moved our bodies finally!

Tonight we went out to dinner at our favorite mexican restaurant. It was so nice.

When we got home, we took a walk down to our seasonal pond and sat at the edge, marvelling at the amazing froggy chorus going on all around us. They were so loud we could barely stand the noise. And we made sure to gaze up to find constellations in the stars. Magical.

Finally, we watched a movie together, The Limey, while Pumpkin camped and then went to sleep next to my thigh, grackling happily.

I'd say it was a pretty darn nice day. I wouldn't have been able to say that very truthfully if WoW was all that we did. I wonder how nice it would be if we didn't play any WoW at all? Let's find out, shall we? :)

OMG, are we really doing this?

There's a lot to tell about this huge part of my life but my husband and I are in the process of putting it behind us. We have our own guild--my husband is the guild leader, and I am one of the officers, and yesterday we told each of our officers and closest in-game friends that we were quitting the game and probably not coming back. After we did that, we logged out and cancelled our accounts. They will still be active for another month, which is actually good, because we need to make sure that we can say goodbye to people properly and not just dump and run. Everyone in our guild is a friend to us and it would be terrible just to leave without letting them have a chance to say goodbye to us.

Today we let another person know who we are very close with, and we had our last raid encounter. We're fine with it.

It has been a very emotional, tear-filled couple of days and has been very hard for us in some ways, but a huge relief in others.